May 25, 2010

Exorcising My Wedding Dress Demons

Hey there, hive! I've got a story for you. I don't really know how to address this issue, since it touches on some feelings that I've been harboring since my wedding. I am slowly coming to terms with this a full NINE months AFTER my wedding. What is troubling me so? My dress.

Honestly, I liked my dress. I liked it a lot...but I can't help but feel that I lost out on some bridal rite of passage by not buying a brand name/designer dress.

By the way, just in case you forgot, here's my dress, which is also Mrs. Nachos' dress. Great minds.....:)

I usually don't covet other people's stuff, especially things on the pricier end of the spectrum, even moreso when it comes to clothes. 9 times out of 10 when it comes to clothing shopping, I'll roll out to H &M, Zara or maybe splurge at Club Monaco (See, not even close to designer!). I usually shock some people who inquire about certain things I wear and get a heap of furrowed brows when I tell them it's from Old Navy. (Don't sleep on old Navy, folks!) Add all of this to the fact that during my planning process, I definitely didn't get into "I must feel like a bride" or "It must be 'bridal' or nothing" attitude, so why the heck do I still feel a sense of loss that I never had the pretty designer wedding dress from the fancy bridal store?

I had been thinking about my feelings of "loss" here and there, but the issue didn't rear it's ugly head until one morning when I was futzing around Twitter. I saw a tweet that profoundly disturbed me. The tweet was about Ms. Vera Wang's decision to sell a line at David's Bridal. Someone I happen to follow (who I no longer follow, and you'll know why in a second) pretty much called the move "Barfworthy." SAY WHAT?! HOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE!

Look, we are all entitled to our opinions. I also know nothing can start an angry stampede of brides than the mention of the words "David's Bridal." But come on...barfworthy? I don't judge people by what labels they wear in everyday life. I'm not about to start on their wedding day. Maybe this was my own insecurity whispering angry words into my ears, but I really don't like when people turn their noses up at others for something as small as clothing choices. Perhaps I'm a bit harsh, but I would love to see a happy, ecstatic bride regardless of what the label in her dress says.

The tweeter and I exchanged some tweets. I told her to each her own regarding dress choices, and I disengaged and stopped following her. In the weeks since my little "incident" on Twitter has occurred, I think I've made some peace with my dress choice.

My dress did what it needed to do. It made me look great the one day I wanted it make me look and feel fabulous. It's now sitting in my closet pressed and dry-cleaned waiting for me to get off my behind and do something with it (maybe publishing this post will spur me into action?). I loved my wedding day, but I have no desire to wear my dress again. I actually don't think about my darling dress very much at all.

So in an effort to finally rid myself of my unnecessary insecurity and unfounded regret, I've decided to write a short letter to the Bridal Gown Industry to exorcise my dress demons and finally move on.

May 2010

Dear Bridal Gown Industry,

Unlike many women, I didn't like my bridal gown shopping experience. It was at times disheartening, frustrating and could sometimes be a pretty big pain in the arse. There are some things I need to tell you, and I feel that by telling you publicly I will rid myself of feeling that I missed out on some quintessential bridal experience.

I would just like to say that my name is Mrs. Swan, and:

1. I tried on over 60 dresses, and it took me forever to find a dress I liked. Even when I did, I questioned it when as I was buying it. There were no angels singing nor did the heavens part once I found my dress. I did not cry. I just kinda bought the dress. Please don't tell me there is a "one" dress made for me. There probably could have been tons of others out there, if I was willing to spend more money.

2. I know that you all strive to be creative and regale us with new designs each season, but how about something else besides strapless dresses? I promise that brides will like a little something different.

3. Some of us want a dress that is reasonably priced. For some strange reason, Bridal Gown Industry, you have decided that reasonably priced somehow equals beading. Why does there need to be an odd direct correlation between more beading and lower price.

4. Why don't many stores let us take pictures? Would it really be that bad? If I want to copy the dress, I'll just go to the designer's website. It's not that crucial. I would have still bought your dress if you let me take a picture to show my family and friends. Finally....

5. I live in New York City, and I have never been to Kleinfeld's.

Thank you, for letting me tell you those things, Bridal Gown Industry. I am now going to finish my newlywed days being at peace with my dress choice.

May I never have to shop for a wedding dress ever again,
Mrs. Swan


Cassandra Bromfield's Blogs said...

Wow, you said a mouthful, however, custom design gives you all the options lefted out of a bridal shop experience.
I worked in a bridal shop for a while and I remember a bride wanted to change the buttons on a gown she was going to buy and it seemed like Congress met in an emergency meeting, someone filibustered, and then the answer was still we'll see.
Still they (bridal shops) don't feel it necessary to change because the machine still works and "they" feel it is well oiled.
Still there are some positives, umm I can't come up with any right now.
Custom designed may be pricey but you get what you want especially if you don't want strapless and the dress really is made for YOU.
Thanks great post

Anonymous said...


Camille Acey said...

I just wanted to write and thank you for this blog. It was a BIG help. I ended up getting a day-of coordinator from EAP and after a hair fiasco with a friend I ended up Khamit Kinks where they did a great job. Thanks so much!

Chic.Personal.Fun said...

@Camille - Great! I am glad to hear that everything went well for you! Congratulations!

@Cassandra - yes. You are totally right about custom work. If I had not traveled as much as I did when planning the wedding, I would have seriously considered it!

文旺江汝 said...