Swan Tips Revisited

Hey, all!

Mrs. Swan here! Remember me? I dipped out for a bit, but I just wanted to begin to bring some full closure on my time on Weddingbee. Can you believe that Sunday will be my 1st Anniversary? I can't!

I know that a reader or two had asked about a post with my Swan Tips for the day of your wedding all in one place. I thought I would just lay them out here. I've linked them to the related recap post just in case you are wondering what the heck I'm talkin' about. Also just in case you've forgotten what my wedding looks like (or have never read any of my posts), I've interspersed some of my favorite pictures from the recaps throughout the tips.

So here are my Swan Tips just in case you might want them:

Swan Tip #1 - If you can steal a few moments for yourself (or with others who have a calming effect on you) to have some quiet time to read, reflect, do some yoga, deep breathing, or whatever relaxes you, definitely do it!

Swan Tip #2 - Sometimes choosing a vendor shouldn't come down solely to cost. I valued not only being able share a good working relationship with vendors/wedding elves that I hired, but also being able to work with people that I truly liked. Plus, if you're going to be around someone that's not family or friends on your wedding day, why not have someone you think is pretty cool too?

Swan Tip #3

a) Don't be afraid to accept help on your wedding day (and not just to get ready), even if you think you can do it by yourself. Allow yourself to be helped and even pampered a bit. You don't get married everyday (at least I hope you don't:)).

b) - Know when to step in and take charge if you need to, but also remember Swan Tip #3a.

Swan Tip #4 - As if you have enough things to think about as you're getting married, I'd like you to consider the environment that you want for getting ready prior to the wedding. For some of you, it will mean having a large wedding party with lots of family around you. For others, it will mean just a small select group of people that will be by your side. I encourage everyone to figure out what will be best for them because that preparation period really can be fun and special.

Swan Tip #5 - I know it's generally a point of debate in the wedding world, but I am an advocate of the pre-ceremony look. We still had a very emotional ceremony even though we saw each other beforehand. We spent a lot of time with our guests, and so having the time together to greet each other, to hold each other's hands and to walk together was priceless.

Swan Tip #6 - Our wedding photoshoot was fun. While I agree it's important to have pictures of the two of you, your bridal party, etc., just make sure that you use your time wisely with your photographer as well as make sure that you stick to a timeline to keep the events of the day moving.

Swan Tip #7 - Everything is not going to go smoothly on your wedding day. If you have to break down, it's okay. When that starts, just listen to Mrs. Swan's voice in your head, "There's no wallowing at weddings!" (There's no crying in baseball either, just in case you were wondering.) :)

Swan Tip #8 - There will be traditions that actually might end up a part of your ceremony and reception that you're not going to like. Know when to push back and when to let go.

Swan Tip #9 - Everybody loves a wedding. There are going to be people you don't expect who will love yours too.

Swan Tip #10 - For me, the ceremony is really the meaning of it all. Without the bond between you and your partner, there really is no wedding. Pick readings that fit well with the tone of your ceremony and what you want your marriage (and maybe your life) to embody. For some of you it may be a religious text. For others of you it may be cool passages like Mrs. Mouse's Alice Walker poem or Mrs. Star's excerpt from Madeleine L'Engel's work. Words have meaning and power. I hope your ceremony will reflect your future hopes for your marriage.

Swan Tip #11 - This is most definitely a personal choice, but I really love the fact that Mr. Swan and I were able to write vows to each other in addition to traditional vows. Even if you can't include this in your ceremony, I think it's great to be able to share how you feel about each other in your own words at some point in the day.

Swan Tip #12 - Another one of the most highly debated wedding issues: cocktail hour attendance. Attending was a great option for us. We got to spend even more time with our guests, enjoy the beautiful weather we were having that day, and eat. Who doesn’t like eating? If you can find a way to attend even a small part of the cocktail hour, I highly recommend it.

Swan Tip #13 - While you might want everything to turn out a certain way during your wedding, be open to the fun surprises that may be in store.

Swan Tip #13 - More Mrs. Swan Tough Love: Definitely include personal details if you'd like to, but if you're tearing your hair out about them, they're just not worth it.

(That's not a typo above, by the way. The numbering gets fuzzy now because: (1) I'm getting old and senile and screwed it up during my recaps, and (2) I can't count. Carry on....)

Swan Tip #15 - Be prepared for your emotions to hit you when you least expect it.

Swan Tip #16 - Be careful if you give a toast at someone's wedding. It might come back to haunt you! :)

Swan Tip #17 - Savor the unplanned and spontaneous moments of the wedding!

Swan Tip #18 - If you're sourpuss, then everyone else will be a sourpuss. The focus, whether you want it to or not, will be on you that day, and YOU will set the tone of your reception. Get out there and enjoy yourself! Your guests will follow suit.

Swan Tip #19 - Think about how your reception will be experienced from your guests' perspective.

Swan Tip #20 - You know, there never was a Swan Tip # 20, so I'll just say this: Regardless of what goes wrong, the people who don't show up or the ones that act like a dang fool on your wedding day, you're going to get something out of the wedding that you'll have for a very long time: someone who loves you just as much you love them. There are no tips that I could ever give you that will prepare you for what that truly feels like. Seriously, it's the greatness thing ever.

All Images by Dante Williams

The Streamlined Bride

As I said before, my biggest piece of advice is to make sure that you have fun during your wedding.

I spent a lot of time looking like this during our reception:

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BUT I feel like it took a lot of work on my part to make sure I was that way. I think it's because I really took a scalpel to our wedding and really tried to capture the essence of what we wanted it to be.

Whether you're at the beginning, middle or end of your wedding planning experience, there is often one word that keeps rearing in the back of your brain (or at least it did in mine). That word is: MORE. I need to do more. This wedding NEEDS MORE! I'm gonna let you know that you don't need more. You'll be just fine.

When Mr. Swan and I set out to plan the wedding, we were in agreement that we were just going to include things that were important to us. When contemplating the things that were important, we knew we wanted to make the process as easy as possible. We're simple people at heart with a clean, modern style anyway, so it wasn't going to be too hard. Also with all of the traveling I did over the first seven months of the year including a work trip TWO days before the wedding (thanks, boss!), I knew that I couldn't really mentally and physically (at least with my hands) devote a certain amount of energy to planning. That's why in the end, I called myself "The Streamlined Bride." Sometimes I think my approach may have made my wedding less "interesting" or cool, but I can safely say that I had a relatively stress-free planning process and that to me that was worth lower cool points.

How did I cut to the chase during our planning process? Here was my plan:

1. Do it early and often :) - This is pretty simple and common wedding planning advice, but if you can get a wedding task out of the way earlier in the planning, then do it. By tackling tasks early on, it really allows you to see whether various elements are really necessary at the tail end of planning. I think having an overall vision and having the determination to sticking to that vision as best you can will help ease your process in the long run.

2. Know you can't have it all - I assure you that I would love to have had certain items as part of our wedding. Let's take a lovely letterpress invitation suite as an example. Instead of having that we had one piece invitation with a small insert. It made putting together our invitations a lot easier. We could have DIY'ed something pretty special, but y'all know me (see below). There were just things we couldn't afford, realized that we could not fit in, or just plain didn't want it. My early realization that I wasn't going to be able to have it all made me really focus on the elements we were going to incorporate and to try to find a way to make them even better.

3. Less participants - As some of you may have noticed or remember, I had no wedding party. I know this is not an option for everyone, but it definitely eased the coordination aspects of the day. I'm sure I come off as cold on this one, but I incorporated my friends and family in other ways during our wedding.

4. No DIY - Writing that felt like I was blaspheming Weddingbee, but for me it actually reduced my stress. I've already said that being crafty is not one of my traits. If wedding planning has taught me anything, it's that you have to be true to yourself. If you're not a crafter, then don't become one for the sake of the wedding if it will cause you to lose time and energy that you can spend focusing on something else. As a friend would say, "DO YOU!". Your wedding can still be personal and special if you don't have handmade items. At the same time, if you've got the time and energy and it will help your budget, by all means whip out the craft paper and make a run to the flower market.

5. Research, research, research - Researching things beforehand allowed me to know the universe of what I was dealing with in terms of vendors, wedding goods, etc. By knowing what I wanted when tackling a portion of the to-do list, I was focused with my time. With the exception of venue and dress shopping (okay and maybe our photographer), I really pared down my vendor interviews and kept my other wedding related trips to the bare minimum because I did the research beforehand.

6. Just because someone else does it doesn't mean you have to - I'm talking about wedding traditions here. We actually only had one person ask us why we didn't have a bouquet toss, and it was a single dude (um..really?! Did you want my bouquet?)! Again another personal call, but if you don't want certain wedding reception traditions, don't have them or pick and choose which ones will actually enhance your day.

7. Extra stuff you think you need - We didn't have toasting flutes, a special cake knife, no special bride hoodie, or favors (Again, I know this last option may not be for everyone). It's okay not to have these items too you don't want them, have the time to look for them or they just don't fit into your budget. My budget noticed that these things were missing, but I don't think anyone else did.

8. Delegate to the professionals - We were of the mind that if you can afford it, sometimes it's just okay to have the professionals do it for you. Our venue and lovely coordinator had everything under control that day. If you can't afford that route in your planning, rally your willing family and friends. At the same time, don't feel like you didn't keep it real because you paid someone to do it for you whatever it may be.

So that's my little commentary on trying to de-stress and streamline your planning process. It's not for everybody, but I hope it helps to see that sometimes less can be more in wedding planning.

Are there any things that you're doing to make your wedding process a little less hectic?

Project RSVP

Our RSVP deadline has come and gone. We are still waiting for people to get back to us about whether or not they're coming to the wedding to the point where I have dubbed the past few days "Project RSVP. "

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No paper RSVPs for us, but you get the point.

I've tried Facebook, Gmail, Yahoo and even sicced Mommy Swan on a few in an effort to a get straight answer. Some people have been apologetic and disappointed (at least their e-mails conveyed that). Others not so much. Hmm....

It's been interesting to see who RSVPS, who doesn't, when and how. Most of the late RSVPs have come in the following catergories some of which are surprising:

1) Couples with kids - This is primarily Mr. Swan's domain. While some couples with kids were on point, a large percentage waited until the second follow-up e-mail to finally answer. I know having kids changes your priorities; I will not hold this against anyone.

2) Couples that have recently had weddings - Surprisingly, a few recently married couples have been the least responsive. I thought they would be a bit easier to wrangle having gone through this before.

3) Single guys - Sometimes I think single men think weddings just appear out of thin air. :)

4) Close friends - Seriously...you have to RSVP too. I know you love me, but the rules still apply! I've had multiple "Ofcourse, I'm coming!" Well you need to tell me too! :) You gotta love your friends.

Honestly, I'm amazed that this process has sometimes resembled pulling teeth. I know some people were holding out because they were still sorting out travel plans, but I honestly think some people just didn't want to write the e-mail or make the necessary phone call to let us know. I sound bitter, don't I? :( I also know that this wedding is not on everyone's radar everyday; life gets in the way (it does for me too even as the bride).

I'm not going to say that I have been totally happy with our RSVPs. There are many people who I thought even distance would not prevent them from coming who are in fact not going to be there. Others have completely surprised and flattered me. I'm touched that they are going to take time and spend their hard-earned money to be with me and Mr. Swan that day.

We've STILL got a few holdouts, and I'm wondering if it's safe to assume they're not coming.

Was your RSVP process smooth? Are/were you surprised about some of the people who were able to make it? How did you deal with the holdouts?

You Can't Fight City Hall

Yes. that's right...don't do it! Just go to our welcome reception venue!

We'll be just having people meet up at City Hall restaurant in Tribeca the night before our wedding.

   

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We ended up falling in love with City Hall in part because it was the relaxed feeling we wanted for a varied group of people that would be congregating that evening. Also the owner, Henry Meer, was so lovely to us and a pretty great salesman. We went on a Friday after work, and I guess we looked a little bit lost and like a snoopers. The next thing I knew Henry was asking us about ourselves and had ordered us a glass of wine. In addition to being a pretty space, Henry charmed our pants off (figuratively of course).  We ended up returning an hour later and having a great dinner there. 

We looked at a variety of places in lower Manhattan in an effort to try to find a place to meet up with our out of town guests the evening before the wedding.  Since we're not having a wedding party and therefore the whole rehearsal is sort of going to be more of a run-through, we're also not going to have a full fledged rehearsal dinner. Egads! No rehearsal dinner, my friends!

I know that there is a great debate about whether or not one should have a rehearsal dinner with all of the out-of-town guests, but we really couldn't do that. It was just not budget friendly for us. We had much more grandiose plans prior to Mr. Swan losing his job, but as you can imagine that got thrown by the wayside. Instead, we've invited our guests to join us for drinks for a 2 1/2 hour period the night before. I may even dip out a little early since I've got an early morning ahead of me the next day. 

Are you foregoing a traditional rehearsal dinner? 

A Glimpse at City Hall

A few days ago Mr. Swan and I made a major step towards the wedding and got our marriage license.

The process was pretty simple actually. We made our way down to the NYC Marriage Bureau. While there are branches in each borough of New York City, we decided to go to the newly renovated and relatively high-tech one in lower Manhattan. The City has done a lot of work to make this an attractive place to not only get your license but also to marry. In all, I think it was a pleasant experience in some pretty nice surroundings.

Here it is in all its glory.

After checking in at the information booth, we filled out an online form, which we could have done at home (but it wouldn't have had the benefit of all of the atmosphere that only a government office can provide). On the form, I was able to also select a new last name. More on that later.....

Here's Mr. Swan looking very intently at the application.

After finishing the application and collecting a number, we waited for our number to be called, and took in the scene at the Marriage Bureau (and what a scene it was!!). One of the coolest aspects of the Marriage Bureau is that they literally have everything for your wedding needs right there. Vendors/wedding elves? No need. You need flowers?

Check!

They have everything from a single flower to full bridal bouquets at VERY reasonable prices. Apparently you can also get everything from hairspray to disposable digital cameras. Not bad!

I will admit to you that I was getting a little misty-eyed while there. I've been loving all things marriage lately. Committment makes me mushy. It's actually pretty cool to see all kinds of people with their family and friends getting ready to be married.


There's even a spot with a backdrop of the City Hall ('cause you know this is the equivalent of going down to "City Hall" to get married. Not the same building though.) Here's a great pic of a couple in front of backdrop.

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We didn't get a chance to see the chapel where the marriage ceremonies take place, which is in the back behind this booth. Boo!

So after taking it all in, We got THIS:

Our marriage license!

I thought it would look a bit....prettier? I don't know what I was expecting, but I think after getting the license this week things are beginning to hit me. I'm getting married. OMG!!!

How was your trip to get your marriage license? Was it a pleasant experience?

Are We Done Yet?

A Real Conversation in the Swan Household:

Miss Swan: [Choose your own random wedding detail and insert here]. Can you help with that? Thanks, boo.

Mr. Swan: I'm excited about getting married, but the planning is a lot. There's so much to think about. [Isn't he cute? He doesn't know the half of it.]

Miss Swan: I know, and we've been doing this for about 10 months now. We're almost there. ACK!! I haven't done anything all weekend. Maybe I should do something today. Ughh....

I spent a whole lot of procrastinating this past weekend and definitely not enough on the wedding. I don't want to be left out there scrambling the week before, BUT I think I am getting tired....of planning. In some ways I feel like I can't think anymore about the details. I'm not necessarily the world's most original person when it comes to wedding decor and details, so I feel pretty tapped out (escort cards, anyone? I will figure that out somehow). The funny thing is that I am not doing a ton of projects or things myself, and I'm still staring at a pretty long to-do list.

Given that we are now in the home stretch of planning, we should be amped right now. Mr. Swan and I are getting more excited about being married each day, but I am amazed at how much this process can sometimes zap your mental energy.

Is anyone else thinking, "Are we done yet?" For those with weddings soon, how are you keeping focused and full of energy?

The Sports Pages

(Go Giants!)

What could I possibly be referring to? Well, wedding announcements! You see Senora Carrie Bradshaw of "Sex and the City" once called the New York Times Weddings and Celebrations section "the single heterosexual woman's sports pages."

I LOVE looking at the New York Times wedding announcements. I don't know how I started to read them, but all I know is that it satisfies my nosey streak each week. The bride and groom are required to write pretty personal stuff about themselves and their families. I can find out where they went to college and grad school to their parents' non-profit board memberships. My reading experience did start to change a bit for me as I started recognizing a few of the names once in awhile. One week I found someone with my best friend's name and sent it to her. She was pretty surprised she had gotten married and didn't even know it!

I’m not the only one who reads (and maybe even ponders) the announcments. The satire website Gawker has recently revived their weekly analysis of the New York Times announcements. You get a plus (and even a minus) for your annoucement (and to a great extent your life) having certain characterisitcs: add a few points here and there for certain professions or colleges, if the bride stops working after she gets married, etc . I know this is all in jest, but ouch! I guess that's what you get for putting yourself out there, huh?

Since the New York Times is still technically one of our local newspapers, I have been thinking about whether to try to get our wedding included as one of the lucky few. There is apparently a certain mystique around getting your announcement included. Some people have said that back in the day you needed to know someone and or be a part of NYC “society” social set. I don't think that's the case anymore as I see a variety couples from a range of backgrounds. After doing some research I think I have found out the magic formula for getting a wedding announcement published: Just follow the directions! The New York Times apparently has a list of very particular instructions. Case in point: The couple's heads and eyes have to be the same level in the picture submission. Ummm..okay.  I guess many a couple has failed to attain the Holy Grail of wedding announcements by simply not doing what's asked.

Are we going to submit to the Times or any other newspaper for that matter? Well, I actually don't know. I've heard the Times process can be a bit cumbersome (i.e, they fact check everything to the tee! Of course, they should as it is a major newspaper). Also while I'd love to shout it from the rooftops that I am marrying a wonderful man, I don't know if I want a large chunk of America to be reading about it over Sunday brunch.

Are you having engagement or wedding announcements published in your local paper?

Hurdling

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Oh My, Hive!

I feel like I am jumping through hurdles right now. This is the height of my busy season for my job. I am now traveling four days per week. Last week I left at 7:30am on Monday, got home 10pm on Thursday and had a 9:00am meeting at work the next day. I’m beat. I’m tired of traveling, and I’ve still got to plan a wedding. It took us a month to schedule the appointments with our minister because she’s pretty busy, and I’m never home!

When I am home, I spend time running errands and making a feeble attempt at actually relaxing. Sometimes I actually get some work done. I will say that I am glad that I have stuck to my “Keep it Simple” mantra and that has allowed me to not have an exhaustive list of to-dos. Planning ahead during last fall truly helped. I also have to give a big shout to Mr. Swan who has been holding down the fort at home and been extremely helpful.

Sorry to B%#*% and moan. I know I am not the only one out there that has something crazy going one while trying to plan their wedding.

For those of you having major life things going on right now (e.g., a busy job, buying a house, studying for the bar exam or any other major professional exam, moving), how are you maintaining your energy and life balance and making sure that things get done for the wedding?

Will It Be NICE?/Lamentations of a Wedding Blogger

(not me, but close right now)

I’ve been having a hard time lately. I’ve been feeling kinda insecure about my wedding. As I am sure you’ve seen from my posts I do love weddings, but I’ve been feeling a little weird about mine.  One of the first reactions when I found out that I got picked to be a Bee quickly went from “Yay! How amazing!!” to “Oh #%@$, Mr. Swan!  People are going to be looking at my wedding!!” I mean I was now a wedding blogger at that very moment. Being a wedding blogger, I do feel some pressure to have this totally cool and interesting wedding, ya know? I know that for many people my wedding may have some of the little pretty details but compared to my fellow Bees and you, dear readers, I kinda feel a bit…..inadequate. I know you all are not whispering Kate Hudson’s line from “Bride Wars” about your weddings kicking my wedding’s butt (at least I hope not), but I think you can’t help compare too, right?

It’s not that I haven’t tried to fight being worried about how my wedding will be perceived by all of you super crafty, creative folks out there or anyone else for that matter. I am creative, but weddings require and emphasize a certain ability that gives a great advantage to you visual artists out there.  I’m not one of you (I'm a dancer); I can sort of tell how the wedding will come together, but at this point it’s all a guess for me. I’m sure you’re sick of hearing me say that I don’t craft. :) 

Right now I am not planning many of the amazing little details that many of you are: pretty programs, special favors and you’ve already seen my invitations. Maybe that will change at the last minute. I’m kinda worried that my recap posts will not be particularly interesting or that my wedding just won’t be….nice.  At moments, my emotional state ranges from Mrs. Cheese during her "moment" way back when and Mrs. Peep Toe’s ability to step away from the details.

Right now, I’m going to take another blogger’s advice and chill out about having a "nice wedding," but it’s hard with the wedding about two months away.

Anyone else in the same boat?

I Think I'm Gonna Cheat

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Shh...Don't tell anyone!!

Don't worry...not on Mr. Swan! I think I might cheat on my hairstylist!  Hive, I don't know about you, but I always feel better after I've gotten my hair did. I also know that the person who helps care for my hair (and I'm sure yours) has to be someone you can trust or at least does a good job. I really like the women that currently do my hair, but I'm thinking about cheating on them for the wedding!

When I had my initial conversation with my current stylists, I wasn't exactly sure what to think. They want me to come in a month before the wedding to discuss possible styles. I'm kinda concerned about that time frame. Perhaps, it's the super planner in me, but that seems too close to the wedding. I feel like I need more time or at least an actual trial OR TWO to see what styles might actually work. 

I'm also wondering if I should see who else is out there and whether I should get a second opinion. I don't know if I should be staying with what I know or possibly cheating on them to make sure I've covered all of my bases. I am also particularly concerned because our late morning ceremony requires me to possibly do something to my hair the day before and work a little magic that morning. Essentially, I don't want to have a conversation about my hair, but actually see what's in store MORE THAN ONCE. 

Can you imagine that my hair is one of the few things stressing me out right now (well, escort cards and cupcake displays are bothering me too, but no one will be looking at those all day.)?

Is anyone thinking about  "cheating" on a stylist or other service provider that your regularly use as you prepare for the wedding? Am I being paranoid? It's not like I'm the first bride they've had come through their shop. 

Lone Wolf

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Yes, that’s me. You see, Hive, I’ve been doing this whole wedding planning thing pretty much all by myself. Why? Well, it’s a little complicated.

For one thing, Mr. Swan and I decided NOT to have a wedding party. It’s not that we don’t have any friends that we wanted to include in the wedding. If anything it was the exact opposite! Mr. Swan would have been faced with the task of having a wedding party consisting of his brother and about eight other guys. I don’t have any siblings and very few close friends, so my half of the wedding party would have been pretty small consisting of four people or less. Either way, the idea of a ten-plus person wedding party was not appealing to the both of us. We felt we could still include people in ways we thought were important without having a formal bridal party. I know that’s not a popular sentiment, but that was definitely the right decision for us. 

While I love Mommy Swan and my family, they have not been a part of most of the planning either. Since there hasn't been a wedding in my family (or among the people I would call my family) in about twenty years, I've had to really take the lead on bringing everyone up to speed on weddings in the 21st century. :)  My mother has never gotten married, so in some ways she's pretty new to this too. 

I will say above all having to travel each week for work has been the hardest impediment to including more people. I really don't get the time to have major pow-wows about everything because it would require much more time that I don't really have. After several days of being gone, it's just easier and more efficient to just make a decision and get things done rather than wrangling a group to go somewhere or to ask for multiple opinions.

 In many ways, I think I've struggled to figure out how to include others too. Do they help make the ultimate decision? Do I ask their opinion even though I have a strong sense of what I want anyway? Do they do research for me (I love researching things for the wedding; it's my favorite part)? 

Please don't feel sorry for me though. I've really enjoyed doing much of the planning myself. I am someone who has always had a VERY strong sense of what I like and don't like. I enjoyed my private dress shopping sessions. The one where I did bring Mama Swan resulted in a whole lotta needling about why I should have picked another dress (I love her still)! Also many of my friends have a VERY different style from me. While I love them and respect their opinions, I appreciate the fact that I am going to have a wedding that Mr. Swan and I feel is ours while still making sure to include our families, histories and culture as best we can. 

In many ways, I chock this up to being an only child who also happens to love spending time by myself. I do feel rather freakish that I am not the type of woman who has a ton of people at each appointment. I will even admit to you that I also feel some guilt at not including others more, but so far I have had a very non-stressful and pretty smooth planning process (although I say that now....) and haven't gotten flack from anyone really (at least not to our faces anyway, hee hee!!).  I will say that Mama Swan is going to a fitting with me today and will be front and center at our tasting coming up soon. 

Are there any others out there planning your wedding almost by yourself? For those of you who are not, how involved have others been in the planning process and how do you choose to include them?  

Planning the Marriage

(obviously not us)

 

Last evening was a part of our hectic week as we had our first meeting/counseling session with the minister who will be marrying us. 

I have always been a believer in the idea of pre-marital counseling for EVERYONE. I guess I just beleive that it's important to talk as much as possible about your ideas, beliefs and expectations not only of your future life but also of marriage. Okay...I'm not completely Dr.Phil-like here. I also deep down think that I have to be prepared or over-prepared for almost everything and that I do, and I guess marriage is one of those things. Even before Mr. Swan and I got engaged, I made sure we went through this great set of questions from the NY Times as well as this book, 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. Yeah, I'm a bit crazy, but I really wanted to make sure that Mr. Swan and I had talked about as many things as possible before I accepted ANY proposal. I think this was especially important for us since we come from very different backgrounds and experiences. Knowing that we were both on the same page or at least talking about our differences was comforting to me. 

Ofcourse now that we are engaged and the wedding inches closer day by day I am requiring us to do even more soul searching. We are going to have not one but TWO different sets of counseling. As I stated above, we started our first set of counseling with the minister that will marry us. Her church has a specific workbook with discussions and...gasp...homework for us to do. It will also be more from a biblical perspective as well and require reading the Bible and understanding marriage from that perspective. While I know my way around a Bible pretty well, it will be interesting to see Mr. Swan navigate this.  I am pretty thankful that he is open-minded about this process and moving forward with our counseling. Our minister seems pretty cool so far, and I am looking forward to working with her (I am also excited that our minister is a woman).

In addition to the counseling with our minister, we'll also be taking a one day workshop for engaged and newly married couples. This one will be completely secular and really emphasize communication and other issues related to keeping marriages alive. 

Why more than one set of counseling? Well I think in the end I knew that almost any minister that we picked to marry us would require us to do some form of counseling anyway. I also wanted to have both religious and secular versions as I think both will have something to offer us. 

Will we be as over-prepared for marriage as I hope? I doubt it, but I guess we'll at least try. 

The Write Stuff

Let's put this next topic in the "I didn't think I would really care about this for my wedding" category: calligraphy.

For the "streamlined, cut out everything not necessary" bride like me, I should be getting our computer printer ready for some lovely mailing labels. Yet there I was about a month ago looking and practically salivating over calligraphy options for invitations. 

"Is calligraphy necessary? Heck no! Will your invites be welcomed by open arms by your guests? But ofcourse!" This was my internal dialogue as I realized that I really wanted this item for our wedding, and I began the search for affordable calligraphy options.

I went to one of my new favorite sites, Etsy, and searched through pages and pages of lovely calligraphers. I knew that I wanted the look to not be too frilly and formal since that would not fit our daytime, bright-colored, modern wedding. I wanted something that was maybe a bit more whimsical or contemporary than something with a ton of scripty flourishes (nothing wrong with that by the way). 

I finally found Fran of Little Flower Calligraphy through Etsy. I feel in love with the quirky yet pretty Social Butterfly script below. I found her prices to be fair, and since we are not going crazy on the invitations I was pretty excited that we could afford her. 

Now I am the first to remind myself that I am probably the only one who will even care that we will have specially hand written envelopes, but come on. I should be allowed to have the bridal genes kick in sometimes, no? :)

For the marrieds and the planners out there, was there anything surprising that you realized you wanted for your wedding during the course of the planning? 

Does anyone have a favorite calligrapher? 

Color Me Happy

I never thought I would be one of those brides that got into the idea of wedding colors...but I have! By the way, I have surprised myself with the things I've ended up caring and not caring about during this process, so I guess that I shouldn't be surprised again.

I knew that I wanted bold colors after deciding on our venue. Battery Gardens is a very stark white, light, airy place that uses all white linens. While I am sure that I could have brought in my own linens, I definitely wanted to have a bold color pop against all of that white. To me, bold became more important since we chose not to have a nightime wedding. It wouldn't make much sense getting lighting for a reception at 1pm, so I wanted our color choices to project brightness for us. I decided that whatever I chose I really wanted our colors to stand out.


Also at that time, one of the coolest weddings I'd ever seen online had a stark white with nice lime green accents that looked so simple and modern. I had even thought for second that I would use green or yellow and white as colors because I was seeing all of these inspiring weddings using them in such great ways. I was intrigued by contrasts (kinda like me and Mr. Swan, no?)


Then one day early on, I got inspiration from (of all places) a wedding magazine! It's probably the one thing that has inspired me from a wedding mag. What did I end up choosing? Drum roll......

Hot Pink & Orange

Okay, that text isn't really hot pink. I've actually had to train my eye to see that not all hot pinks are really hot pink (Yikes, I just wrote that, didn't I?) Some are more purple-ish and are closer to fuschia and some are like the pink above (Yes, I'm officially a weirdo). I knew that I wanted a deeper darker pink, which I have been able to find and distinguish (at least I'll finish this planning with some talents!).

Also just to let you know, I'm not a girly girl. I usually HATE pink, but not my rich, darker, bold pink that I'll be using. I guess the orange was not too much of a stretch since I've been incorporating it into our home decor. Needless to say, Mommy Swan gave me a look when I mentioned the colors, but she tends to do that. :) I definitely have had some reservations about my choice at some moments, especially since I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I figure why not be bold?

If you can't visualize what these colors may look like together here's a great inspiration board incorporating them together courtesy of this here lovely blog.

(source)

Unfortunately, my dress is not that fabulous :) I'm completely feelin' those shoes (too bad I'm wearing flats).

Anyone else color-obsessed?